she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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