he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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