Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
