where am i from again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
