I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
