Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize