I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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