There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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