i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize