when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
