this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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