Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
