just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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