Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
