I CAN MOONWALK!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
