Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
