That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
