I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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