i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
