Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
