I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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