Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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