Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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