I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
