What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
