I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
