I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I touched a dick in church today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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