Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
