I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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