dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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