When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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