I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
