The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
