i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
