The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's rum buckets o'clock
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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