Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
