Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
