he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
