Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize