Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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