you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
