I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
