69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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