I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
