I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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