did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
