I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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