if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
