His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
