we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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