Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
