About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
