just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
