he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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