The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
