theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
