Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
