i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i love accidental penises.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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