ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
