I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
