who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
