it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
