just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize