Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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