Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
