I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
