You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
