I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
