I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
