Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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