very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
