Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
