Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
