So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So squirting runs in the family.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
