Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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