wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
