and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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