my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
