so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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