I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
