my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
