but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
