Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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