I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize