apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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