"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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