She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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