Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
