I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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