i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
